Losing a battle but Winning the War! – August 21, 2012
I remember waking up day after day, week after week, year after year; filled with self loathing regrets and shame because I had done IT yet again. I had eaten too much, over indulged, fallen off the wagon, binged, splurged, or gorged myself. After so many of those mornings filled with regret I finally gave up trying….which led to eventually “Not caring” at all….or so I told myself. You could literally put this record on repeat and this was my life for about the last 20 years. Unfortunately this is NOT a new story; I am NOT all that different from many other people who cycle through the same patterns of ….dieting-binge-shame/regret-not caring-caring-diet etc…..over and over again. I know this because as I have been so open about my journey with others COUNTLESS people have shared their hearts with me and exposed the truth about their own struggles. The truth is that even if your issue is not food most of us go through this cycle in one area or another at some point in our lives. I felt powerless to break through and truly defeated before I would even begin.
At this point to date I have lost a total of 94.1 lbs and have been on this journey to getting healthy exactly one year on August 29th. You may think that I have it all figured out by now. That I have made this lifestyle change and ever fiber of my being is on board, focused, and in route to the finish line. At the risk of sorely disappointing you I must share the honest reality that is not always the case. I read a very interesting blog post recently by the CEO of Weight Watchers, David Kirchhoff called “Do all habits and no play make Dave a dull boy?” Kind of a funny name, huh? Anyway in the article he talks about how important habits are to sustaining change. Well the good news is that over the last year I have built many wonderful physical, emotional, and spiritual habits that have had a tremendous impact in my life! Obviously to lose 94.1 lbs some drastic elements of my life have changed!
However the bad news is I spent 34 years building those unhealthy habits and occasionally, especially when I am exhausted, stressed, angry, or otherwise highly emotional….the unhealthy habits will prevail! Also I AM a human being and not God so I am imperfect apart from Him. I woke up recently on a Tuesday after eating all of my weekly points (49) and all of my activity points (25) in just 3 days with the EXACT same shame, regret, & fear that I had in the past. As I showered & prayed I repented to the Lord for not honoring Him with my choices. In that moment a thought came to my heart “My emotions had won THAT battle, but ultimately I (with God’s help) WILL win the war”. It occurred to me as I meditated on that reality that in a war you won’t win every individual battle. There will always be losses at times in war. Even the great champion King David from the Bible experienced losses. When we lose a battle it helps us refocus, reevaluate, make necessary changes, and reconnect with our source of power – God! I was so encouraged by this truth! It released me from chasing after perfection which always leads to disappointment since perfection is unachievable. My greatest fear has been that somehow I would “fall off the wagon” and go completely back to my old unhealthy lifestyle. Guess what! I’m NOT on a wagon! I don’t have to live in fear of every little daily mistake I make! This helped me realize that God has a purpose even when we lose a battle. I have surrendered my physical, emotional, and spiritual health to the Lord and He will sustain me. Losing this battle helped me refocus & recharge and I’ve been backing kicking butt with God’s strength ever since!